Here's how it happens: from somewhere--or nowhere--comes a piece of good news. But it isn't final, yet. You've been told something "may happen." If it did happen, you'd be excited--so excited you might use an old timey phrase like "over the moon." You'd be over the moon if this thing happened. Like, let's say, a job that might get you out of your miserable one comes around--a friend puts in a word. Or an agent requests the rest of the novel you've been killing yourself over for five years.
But instead of letting yourself be over the moon, instantly, you shift: It probably won't happen. Don't get your hopes up. Don't get too excited. Wait and see. Nothing is definite yet. You put in the caveats, doubts, hesitations. You kill your joy; you strangle your imagination of the future. Why do you do this? Because, you think, by downplaying it now, you're protecting yourself. You think you can mitigate disappointment by inoculation. You think you will be less sad, if nothing comes of it, because you never believed, entirely. It's a desire not to be hoodwinked--you were smart enough to know anything you might lose was already accounted for. You think you're saving yourself future pain.
This, I think, is a lie--maybe even a malicious lie. Why rob yourself of the pleasures of imagination, a better future, the dream of a more complete, more satisfying life? If what "may happen" turns into "what didn't happen"--are you really better off for having not allowed yourself a week or two of hope, comfort--joy? Are you really one iota less disappointed because you imagined disappointment? All the pre-sentiments of loss aren't really any preparation for the actual thing--the actual loss usually hurts in unexpected ways. So if you're not saving yourself any pain--if the quantity of disappointment is unavoidably the same when it comes to pass, whether you spent time imagining or not--why not give in? Let it be, for it's moment, a happy thing. When you cross your fingers, that's a pleasure for it's own sake, in its own time, that can and should exist undiminished and immune from the ravages of whatever actually comes to pass.
